Government Chemistry

From one of my chemistry profs. Not necessarily a laugh a minute bunch, those chemists, but this one struck me as pretty humorous.

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known toscience. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistantneutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving itan atomic mass of 312.These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which aresurrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. SinceGovernmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected,because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normallytake less than a second to take from four days to four years tocomplete.Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does notdecay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of theassistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since eachreorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe thatGovernmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. Thishypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an elementthat radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as manypeons but twice as many morons.